SPARTANIA, THE HEAVENS – Following activities on earth on the occasion of Valentine’s day celebration, the water supply in system in the Heavens was reported to be contaminated with high concentrations of oral contraceptives.
Speaking with reporters by the Spartania Municipal Water tank, water analyst Eldron Lillia said this has become a recurring annual event that has been getting worse each year. He also intimated that the pipes which are usually clogged with discarded condoms were especially affected by the occasion, leading to many blockages and bursts.
“It’s no problem really, it is something we’ve come to expect each year since the 60s, but it gets noticeably worse every time.” Mr. Lillia said. He wondered if humans would ever be able perform recreative coitus without fucking up their water, but said he was more concerned about Earth’s runaway overpopulation than he was about the pipes.
The city council of Spartania has in anticipation of the notorious Valentine date scheduled a water supply maintainance on February fifteen.