Dead Sea Wishes It Had A Better Location

Amman – JORDAN
The waters of the Dead Sea has expressed dissatisfaction with its current coordinates and altitude. The water (if it can still be called that), said it suffered from extraordinary salinity from having it’s surface below some standard height called sea level that it knew nothing off.
“In another location, my intense salinity would be ameliorated by surrounding virulent waters, not the stark landscape of this quasi wilderness. I wouldn’t be so . . . wierd, you know. I don’t want to be the only inland lake where people can actually float on, you know. I am not even useful to mafia bosses, who would want their corpses to receive some communion before floating right up, you know. And who cares what height I am in the oceans I would rise with waves and even heed the call of the moon. But here I am, in the midst of countries and tribes that wouldn’t even agree with each other. Instead of majestic porpoises and dolphins, humpback whales and whatever kinds of frivolous beasts in the sea. It’s just so . . . stressful.”
Though despondent at the time of this report, the waters hoped that ambitious engineering projects might redirect it to much more playful tides, or at least dredge it of salinity and give it that Ontario look.

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