Pyongyang – NORTH KOREA
Sitting alone in an empty echoey legislative chamber, a pensive Kim Jong-Un regretted once telling his people that as the Eternal Living Sun of the People’s Republic of Korea, he does not defecate. Early in his tenure, the Great Successor had reiterated the running myth about the bowel movements of his dynasty, but now felt the the joke was badly received.
“How could they miss the joke?!” The rueful Supreme Leader asked himself. “And how could they truly believe that I do the number 2? I even brought Dennis Rodham here to translate it to them, but the cokehead forgot all about it and just wanted to play with puppies. It just means that I don’t give a shit, nothing else!”
The Great Successor then went on to painfully recount how he had observed from his balcony, two farmers who had gotten into a fight over the issue. One had defecated on the others parcel, and defended his atrocity by insisting that it’s only the Supreme leader that does not poo. This infuriated the other, who whacked him on the head with his plough.
“I should never had made that joke,” Kim noted, shaking his head sadly. “But the transition was a crazy time man. My Father had just died, the Chinese economy was all over the place and the Russians were busy chasing rioting pussies. I thought the joke would lighten the mood, you know, and the people would laugh about it for a week, a month tops. But I should never make that joke again, note to self.”
The Chairman of the Worker’s Party especially denounced American Comedians and talk show hosts, who had insisted on a literal interpretation of the joke, and ruined the comedy beyond the peninsula. Reports have it that he concluded his soliloquy on a 1989 model WC, before making calls to his military technicians to facilitate the range increment of their latest missile by 167 nautical miles.