Kim Jong-un Regrets Failed Constipation Joke

Pyongyang – NORTH KOREA
Sitting alone in an empty legislative chamber, a pensive Kim Jong-Un rued a failed constipation joke he had made at the beginning of his regime. The Supreme Leader had following his Father’s death, told his ardent populace quite explicitly that he does not defecate. Many however took it quite literally, and soon rumors began to spread the deified Autocrat had conquered his own bowels and never visits the John. In his broody soliloquy on Sunday evening however, Kim admitted that it was all a joke, a badly received one.

“How could they not get it?” The depressed didact asked himself. “I meant that I do not give a shit, you know, like the Americans say all the time. I thought that half a century of patriarchal militaristic isolationism has already proved that point quite clearly, but I made the joke anyway. I thought we were going to laugh about it for a week, a month perhaps. But things were a little crazy at that time; my father had just died, the Russians were chasing rioting pussies instead of bolstering our nuclear arsenal, and the Chinese economy was all over the place. I thought the joke had surely died then.”

The North Korean leader then painfully recalled seeing two farmers fighting over issue a few days ago. One had defecated on the other’s parcel, and defended his atrocity by insisting that even their God-King does his number two every now and then. The other could not bear this heresy, and proceeded to whack his comrade over the head with his plough. Kim Jong-Un revealed that this ugly incident brought back so many painful memories.

“It was all a joke for God sake! I even brought Dennis Rodman over here to explain that to them, but the cokehead forgot all about it.” He reserved his greatest scorn for American comedians and late Night show hosts, who had bastardized the joke and made some people beyond the peninsula actually believe that the Supreme Leader doesn’t


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