God: 80% of Male Joggers alter Space-Time continuum around Females

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Squirrels and Agamas Hoping to Evolve Through Furtive Glances

Abeokuta – OGUN
Squirrels and Agamas living in and around Humans have consistently proven and advocated a use of coded furtive glances to project their neurological evolution around the highly intelligent Cercopithecoid. The small creatures stated that they had learnt to make use of all kinds of gazes and blank stares to avoid and cope around humans, whose movements can be quite erratic, unpredictable.

“Now humans you see, are quite an inexplicable bunch. I mean, have you ever had someone stare at you while they were spacing out? They are thinking some crazy shit that has no end answer, just spirals of what and why. That is when they chose to stare . . . You can’t tell whether they’re feeling good or having their dankiest though. All you can see is vacant eyes, souls begging to be filled with some kind colorful fluff, anything. Then they heave out air, or shake their head, make a mindless dash or pace away for something they end up not needing. You’re actually relieved from that ennui if they lock on you and try to throw a stone or a playful shoo.”

Despite these attendant awkwardnesses and a vastly different neural anatomy, both surburbian critters stated that they could taxanomically balance a progressive code on the humans, whose intellectual achievements undeniably abound and kept increasing in leaps and bounds. This would obviously ensure their own developing code would be intrinsically propelled not necessarily to rival humans and what they’ve acheived, but how to adapt and survive amongst the most dangerously fickle and literally explosive Creatures this portion of the Universe ever spawned. They believe if they could handle humans, it doesn’t matter whatever has been reported to be creeping around Mars or whatever they find yakking their jaws under Europan waters, they would be fine if they stick with old Helios.

“Yes, we know, their Amygdala is well snuck deep into all that sparkly fat, neurotransmitters sneaking like catwoman into all nooks and cranies, and their thalamus is doing some crazy stunts every now and then . . . our much more primordial structures aren’t capable of any of that. It’s all pointy Olfactory lobes and some scanty folds of cerebellum. We however, would get by anything the Cosmos throws our way if we can stick around these guys. Of course, we have to watch out for their most nefarious demographic; little boys who spy us out and hurl stones with hunting eyes. They often miss, and I cannot fathom why they do that to us, but ignore rats that frequently have their way with their unwashed hands from dinner.”

Squirrels and Lizards confirmed that while they bear their close relatives Possums, snakes, and cute birds in mind, they have come to appreciate how much more peaceful bats and salamanders were, and admitted that this might be contingent on their habitatial displacement from humans. “Our biome is not the coolest, but we’re getting by. We have come to take it all with a pinch of salt, which some of the food in their trash sometimes lack. We appreciate their reticence towards us in general, but they can change entire landscapes in an
ornery. But we’re sure they are good folk. Or good enough to stick around and adapt to.”

Both Lizards and Squirrels affirmed that while they’ve got love for all creatures that had to deal with humans, spiders were a sneaky bunch that have been reported to be carnivorous.

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Valentine’s Day Aftermath: Water in Heaven Contaminated with Postinor 2

SPARTANIA, THE HEAVENS – Following activities on earth on the occasion of Valentine’s day celebration, the water supply in system in the Heavens was reported to be contaminated with high concentrations of oral contraceptives.

Speaking with reporters by the Spartania Municipal Water tank, water analyst Eldron Lillia said this has become a recurring annual event that has been getting worse each year. He also intimated that the pipes which are usually clogged with discarded condoms were especially affected by the occasion, leading to many blockages and bursts.

“It’s no problem really, it is something we’ve come to expect each year since the 60s, but it gets noticeably worse every time.” Mr. Lillia said. He wondered if humans would ever be able perform recreative coitus without fucking up their water, but said he was more concerned about Earth’s runaway overpopulation than he was about the pipes.

The city council of Spartania has in anticipation of the notorious Valentine date scheduled a water supply maintainance on February fifteen.0213bbae7c9d202f5cd9f496545c7726