Aqueous Humor feels out of place at meeting of Secretions

Endocrine System – Human Body
The Aqueous Humor secreted to clean the cornea of human eye balls has admitted that he does feel a little out of place at the meeting of fluids of all sorts secreted by the body. The lucid moderately viscous liquid stated that it feels it does not belong at such meetings, where enzymes, hormones and other power juices come to discuss their accomplishments and plans.
“Yes, there is an unspoken trust of equality amongst all functional juices in the body, and we let people know that right of the saliva. It is obvious that our roles are so absolutely exclusive, and there is no rush to obey orders. But men, when the guys start mentioning the stuff they do, you get some humbling chills.”
The meeting of Body secretions is often held to address somatic issues, and the humors from the eye promptly attend. Aqueous Humor explains some of the feats discussed there.
“You start with those silky ones coursing through the gyri, and these are some hair raising motherfuckers. Dopamine is kind of the boss up there, but the stuff the other guys do are equally fascinating. The guys from the thyroid gland can arrange matters for months, even years, and you kind of don’t wanna get in the way of that. Then there are the enzymes in who are all keeping a wicked list of all the molecules they have broken down. The names they drop man . . . amazing!”
Aqueous Humor also noted that while he had helped stabilize vision during crucial responses and exertions made by the body, he wished that his functions had more vive to it.
“The visceral guys have the funk, I’d tell you that. Serotonin from the digestive tract can mix up not just the minds of people around it, not just its beholder. Metabolites are having their ass handed to them by the boys from the liver, and the bitch from the Adrenal gland, when she says go, she means go! Meantime I’m barely hanging here by the lids, and my sister is stuck in a bottle shifting photons all day. We don’t have much to say at these meetings men, we let the guys have the floor.”
The visagial fluid also reported that while he couldn’t accomplish much, he was quite glad that humans put him to use as a communication device.



Report: More people visit Reliquaries than look up the word.


CANNES – France
It has been thoroughly confirmed by people who like to visit Reliquaries that more people actually visit Reliquaries than look up what the word means. Many visitors confessed that they only knew they were in a Reliquary when they visited one, and that have ever since continued visiting to meet other visitors who never knew the word Reliquary until the meeting.

Squirrels and Agamas Hoping to Evolve Through Furtive Glances

Abeokuta – OGUN
Squirrels and Agamas living in and around Humans have consistently proven and advocated a use of coded furtive glances to project their neurological evolution around the highly intelligent Cercopithecoid. The small creatures stated that they had learnt to make use of all kinds of gazes and blank stares to avoid and cope around humans, whose movements can be quite erratic, unpredictable.

“Now humans you see, are quite an inexplicable bunch. I mean, have you ever had someone stare at you while they were spacing out? They are thinking some crazy shit that has no end answer, just spirals of what and why. That is when they chose to stare . . . You can’t tell whether they’re feeling good or having their dankiest though. All you can see is vacant eyes, souls begging to be filled with some kind colorful fluff, anything. Then they heave out air, or shake their head, make a mindless dash or pace away for something they end up not needing. You’re actually relieved from that ennui if they lock on you and try to throw a stone or a playful shoo.”

Despite these attendant awkwardnesses and a vastly different neural anatomy, both surburbian critters stated that they could taxanomically balance a progressive code on the humans, whose intellectual achievements undeniably abound and kept increasing in leaps and bounds. This would obviously ensure their own developing code would be intrinsically propelled not necessarily to rival humans and what they’ve acheived, but how to adapt and survive amongst the most dangerously fickle and literally explosive Creatures this portion of the Universe ever spawned. They believe if they could handle humans, it doesn’t matter whatever has been reported to be creeping around Mars or whatever they find yakking their jaws under Europan waters, they would be fine if they stick with old Helios.

“Yes, we know, their Amygdala is well snuck deep into all that sparkly fat, neurotransmitters sneaking like catwoman into all nooks and cranies, and their thalamus is doing some crazy stunts every now and then . . . our much more primordial structures aren’t capable of any of that. It’s all pointy Olfactory lobes and some scanty folds of cerebellum. We however, would get by anything the Cosmos throws our way if we can stick around these guys. Of course, we have to watch out for their most nefarious demographic; little boys who spy us out and hurl stones with hunting eyes. They often miss, and I cannot fathom why they do that to us, but ignore rats that frequently have their way with their unwashed hands from dinner.”

Squirrels and Lizards confirmed that while they bear their close relatives Possums, snakes, and cute birds in mind, they have come to appreciate how much more peaceful bats and salamanders were, and admitted that this might be contingent on their habitatial displacement from humans. “Our biome is not the coolest, but we’re getting by. We have come to take it all with a pinch of salt, which some of the food in their trash sometimes lack. We appreciate their reticence towards us in general, but they can change entire landscapes in an
ornery. But we’re sure they are good folk. Or good enough to stick around and adapt to.”

Both Lizards and Squirrels affirmed that while they’ve got love for all creatures that had to deal with humans, spiders were a sneaky bunch that have been reported to be carnivorous.


US trade China Her Black Citizens for Debt Cancellation

Beijing – CHINA
The United States of America has agreed to a debt cancellation agreement with the Republic of China that would have China inherit all her African American citizens in exchange for complete cancellation of debts between the two countries. Analysts agree that while the agreement itself is crass and has sparked Protests, the US is taking the step to decongest it’s Prison population and reduce Heart-related deaths in her police force. China on the other hand, gets to increase revenues from her entertainment and sports industries, while solidifying her burgeoning economic relationship with the African continent.
Many have cited the Asian powerhouse Colonialist schemes as a major source of concern, while others protested that the bill for the agreement was based on a slavery era law. However, many Africans, African Americans and Asians expressed optimism at the prospect of a tension-free relationship between the two ethnicities, starting afresh on an untainted plate. Others opined that the move might have put and end to a looming 3rd World War triggered by hyper nationalist movements worldwide.


Senegalese Tailor Wishes Customers Check Him At The Right Time

Enugu – ENUGU, Nigeria.
A Senegalese Tailor, Mahmoud Babass in the busy streets of Uwani, Enugu town, has expressed a wish to Journalists that his customers whom he values and cherishes would rather adjust their schedules and watches to reflect the time zone of the beautiful city of Dakar. The wistful tailor said he would hate to denounce his usually polite and respectful customers, who would greet him and call him “friend” in Hausa, or Baba if they were super friendly youth who really just want a bargain on their sewing.

The Seamster said he appreciated all who came to his small kiosk, bending low as they descended beneath the eaves and requested to have their attire made this way and that. Many would return several times and accept his excuses wholeheartedly, but no one came at the time of the Greenwich Meridian, the timezone of Dakar.
“I remember the landscape of Dakar, the Mountains shaped like breasts that King Leopold spoke about, the ambience of the streets. I know there are other impressive cities worldwide, but I wish my customers would adjust their watches to synchronize with Dakar’s radio programs and prayer times. I rather want my life to proceed that way as a temporal memento to Dakar, the city of my birth and adolescence. There are quite a lot of similarities between Dakar and Enugu, as well as a lot of differences, but these are all spatial, not temporal. It means that I can only use Dakar’s timezone to keep my life and business in order.”

The slightly discombobulated Tailor then shook his head, creased his weathered forehead, and roused eyebrows he could not see before he continued sewing his latest work.


Dead Sea Wishes It Had A Better Location

Amman – JORDAN
The waters of the Dead Sea has expressed dissatisfaction with its current coordinates and altitude. The water (if it can still be called that), said it suffered from extraordinary salinity from having it’s surface below some standard height called sea level that it knew nothing off.
“In another location, my intense salinity would be ameliorated by surrounding virulent waters, not the stark landscape of this quasi wilderness. I wouldn’t be so . . . wierd, you know. I don’t want to be the only inland lake where people can actually float on, you know. I am not even useful to mafia bosses, who would want their corpses to receive some communion before floating right up, you know. And who cares what height I am in the oceans I would rise with waves and even heed the call of the moon. But here I am, in the midst of countries and tribes that wouldn’t even agree with each other. Instead of majestic porpoises and dolphins, humpback whales and whatever kinds of frivolous beasts in the sea. It’s just so . . . stressful.”
Though despondent at the time of this report, the waters hoped that ambitious engineering projects might redirect it to much more playful tides, or at least dredge it of salinity and give it that Ontario look.